


Wounded In Action

by DRHPaints



Series: Barry and Amber [3]
Category: Barry (TV 2018), Bill Hader - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Blow Jobs, Body Worship, Bugs & Insects, Caretaking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Face-Fucking, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Mental Instability, Mice, Phobias, Referenced Gun Violence, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:26:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27637495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DRHPaints/pseuds/DRHPaints
Summary: After Barry gets injured during a hit, Amber takes care of him and the two of them reflect on their first couple of months together.
Relationships: Barry Berkman/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Barry and Amber [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2015437
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	Wounded In Action

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by Anon X. Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

Jiggling into her bra, perhaps it was silly, but Amber enjoyed wearing something a wee bit slinky, a tad too short, whenever she went over to Barry’s place. She knew full well Barry would appreciate her figure in anything. The last time he came over to her apartment and she answered the door in bleach stained sweatpants and a torn _Cleveland Dance Champions ‘99_ shirt, it didn’t prevent Barry mauling her rapaciously. But Amber delighted in how a flash of thigh, a peek of cleavage, made Barry’s cobalt eyes widen before scuttling all about the room, like a recovering alcoholic trapped at an open bar, anxious to sip her, but wary of approaching the counter to ask for a drink.

Amber knocked on Barry’s door, humming to herself, not putting much thought into the strange nature of the shuffling that echoed from within before the doorknob turned. “Hey…” One sapphire eye peered out at her, a sliver of Barry visible through the two open inches.

“Hey.” Smiling, Amber reached forward to pluck at his gray sweatshirt. “How’s it going?”

The singular eye slid off to the side. “Um...well...okay, I guess…” Barry’s Adam's apple bobbed up and down.

Amber waited a beat before she shifted her weight to the other hip. “Can I come in?”

“Um…” Lips pursed, Barry’s fingers gripped the doorframe and his voice shrank to a whisper. “Sure. But...Amber. Something happened. I don’t want you to freak out, okay?”

Amber tilted her head, brows furrowed. “What do you mean?

With a sharp inhale, Barry held his breath and opened the door. Amber gasped, hand covering her mouth. 

Left eye ringed in purple and blue, almost completely swollen shut, Barry winced away from her and Amber noticed him balancing on one foot. “Holy shit, Barry, what…” Raising a tentative hand toward his face, Amber let it fall, shaking her head. “What happened?”

“I got mugged.” Raising a broad shoulder with a half smile, lying to Amber painted Barry’s bones with whorls of blackened guilt, but it couldn’t be helped. There was no way Barry could explain the truth. 

A hit gone sideways. Sliding up a window frame. Threading through with his tall body. Figurine of what Barry discovered later was two intertwined dolphins shattering to the floor. A man flooding the hall. Awake. Angry. Barry took a few punches, even the crunch of the man’s heel over his hand before he got the barrel to his temple with a flash. 

No. Barry couldn’t explain any of that to Amber’s eyes, green pools of concern as he wobbled back to admit her entrance. “Here.” Amber stepped out of her heels, looping around Barry’s soft middle. “Let me help you. Let’s go to your room.” 

“Okay…” Barry murmured, placing an arm around her shoulder, but using the wall to carry the majority of his weight as they made their way down the hall in what looked to be the most ineffectual three legged race in history. 

Seating Barry on the mattress, Amber combed her fingers through his chestnut waves, “Did they catch whoever did this to you?”

“Oh...nope.” Barry flashed a tight grin. “Got away.”

“Oh, that’s awful.” Shaking her head, Amber caressed his stubbled cheek as Barry hauled his shapely legs into bed, grimacing as he got the swollen right ankle into place. Amber looked at his expression and frowned. “Do you have an ice pack?”

“Yeah.” Barry nodded. “In the freezer.” 

Doubling back, Amber soon returned also bearing a glass of water and crawled in beside Barry. “I’ll start with your face, alright?” Voice low, she held the ice pack gingerly to his eye and Barry hissed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Barry took over for her hand, adjusting the cool pressure and relaxing his head back. “Thank you.” 

Picking up his palm, Amber’s nose flared and she shook her head at the two puffy fingers. “Barry...did you get these checked out? It...it doesn’t look good.”

“No.” Barry switched the ice to his hand to hide it from Amber’s view. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“But…” Staring down at the covered digits, Amber swallowed. “What if they’re broken or something?”

Shaking his head, Barry hoped the smile he offered was reassuring. “They’re not. Trust me.”

With a tiny nod, Amber sidled up next to him, skirt riding up her creamy thighs as she rested her chin on Barry’s vast shoulder, touching a hand to his little belly. “When did you last eat?” After a couple of months together, Amber was already frightfully aware of Barry’s tendency toward self-neglect. Sometimes if she didn’t remind Barry that he was a human who did, in fact, need food to function, he would easily go the entire day without a morsel. 

“Um…” Eyes on the sheets, Barry rested his forehead against her, hardly whispering. “I...I had an apple when I woke up, I guess…”

Amber glanced out the window at the descending darkness and sighed. “Okay.” Touching a brief kiss to his pink lips, Amber patted his firm chest. “I’ll make you something. Be right back.”

“You don’t--” Barry started to protest, but Amber’s curvaceous figure disappeared around the corner to the kitchen. Besides, by now Barry knew no matter what he said, she would insist on feeding him. 

As it turned out, Amber had a passion for cooking and quite a deft hand, though the reasons behind her skills made Barry uneasy. While the smells wafted to him from the kitchen, Barry thought back to his first night at Amber’s apartment. Upon entering, her place possessed a severe neatness, floors scrubbed within an inch of their life and reeking of lemon-scented cleaning products. 

Tumbling into the bedroom together, it wasn’t until Amber set the coffee dripping the next morning and reached into the cupboard for sugar that Barry noticed something odd. Barry pointed at the shelf of ingredients, all of which were enclosed in individual zippered plastic bags. 

“Hey…” Furrowing his prominent eyebrows, Barry tilted his head. “Why is everything bagged up like that?”

“Oh…” Amber stiffened with a spoon halfway out of the bag. “I, um...just…” Clearing her throat, she dropped the white crystals into Barry’s mug. “Just don’t want any bugs. Or mice. You know…”

Barry glanced back and forth over her polished floors. “Oh, do you have a pest problem here?”

Voice small, Amber zipped the bag up, not meeting his eye. “Nope…” Closing the cupboard, she blew over the top of her coffee. “Just...like to be careful.”

Later that evening, after a particularly delectable meatloaf, Barry asked Amber how she learned how to cook. “Oh.” Amber shrugged. “Taught myself watching The Food Network. We didn’t have much growing up so…” Head teetering from side to side, she gave a half grin. “Had to get creative.” Barry nodded, smiling sadly as she continued. “Plus, I just...feel better knowing I made something from scratch.”

“Yeah, I bet.” Barry put his plate in the dishwasher. “It must be nice knowing how to create something from nothing like that.”

“Yeah…” Amber bobbed her head. But something in the tone of her voice, the tightness around her mouth, left Barry curious.

Closing the dishwasher door, Barry took his chair, eyeing Amber. “Is there a different reason why you do it? Cook from scratch, I mean?”

“Oh, well, um…” Crossing her arms, Amber’s fingers kneaded her skin. “It’s stupid. I just...feel better. Worry less, if, um…” Nervous chuckle eking out, she raised a shoulder. “If I know exactly what’s inside of something, I guess.”

Pursing his lips, Barry tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I, um…” Looking off to the side, Amber swallowed. “Like I said, it’s stupid, but I...if I buy premade things or...or go to restaurants, sometimes--not all the time--but I worry they’ll have, um…” Chewing on her lip, Amber’s emerald eyes flicked up to him for a second before dashing away again. “Things...inside of them.”

“Things?” Barry leaned in, expressive eyebrows knitting together.

“Yeah, like…” Amber’s gaze moved to the ceiling. Her nails dug into her skin with such ferocity that Barry wanted to leap across the table and pry her arms apart. “Like...bugs. Or hair. Or dirt…” Pink blotch creeping up her cheeks, Amber melted into her chair, “I know…” Voice the ghost of a whisper, she studied the floor. “I know it’s silly. I know all those things could be in the individual ingredients I use, but…” Shrugging, Amber let her arms fall. “It makes me feel better.”

“I don’t think it’s stupid or silly.” Barry spoke softly, placing a wide palm before her on the table. “That...make sense.” While he couldn’t honestly say those were thoughts he encountered before, seeing Amber’s fragile form, terrified of all the things her brain told her might be, made Barry ache.

And so as Amber scrounged in his fridge to make Barry a hot ham and cheese, the loaf on his counter was in a tupperware bread box, Barry spotting it while shopping one day and thinking it would alleviate some of Amber’s anxieties when she stayed over. Already he caught her cleaning the kitchen in the middle of the night while he slumbered, a bleary Barry rubbing his eyes, discovering Amber hunched over the stovetop and feverishly scrubbing, face determined and fingers pruny before she sheepishly set down the sponge and rejoined him in bed.

Barry told Amber he wasn’t comfortable with that, that it made him feel like she was more maid than girlfriend, and he would pick up his own mess. After all, Barry was typically a tidy guy. The Marines imbibed him with a strict penchant for neatness. It was simply these last few months of slogging through existence that Barry couldn’t be bothered to vacuum, to do the dishes, pick up that fallen shirt.

Amber never nagged him. But Barry would see her eyes alight on a crusted fork, a dust bunny taking up residence in a corner, and it was as if she couldn’t focus on anything else until one of them addressed the issue.

Amber flipped the sandwich over in the pan, relishing the sizzle as the broth heated on the adjacent burner. During their couple of months together, things were going well with Barry. At least, she thought so. Usually at this point in relationships, Amber started to scare them off. Sure, guys would put up with a lot from a woman with a stellar body and a high libido, but Amber knew she could only ‘hide her crazy’ for so long.

But so far, Barry seemed unfazed. When Barry suggested they go out on a real date after a couple of weeks’ worth of lounging around their respective apartments and tearing into one another like feral animals, Amber was nervous. Well, petrified, in truth. In order to get through their first dinner, she cracked open her ancient bottle of antianxiety meds, almost empty now, taking one before Barry picked her up, and dry swallowing another in the bathroom when the voices of the restaurant patrons grew too cacophonous, their bodies appearing too close.

But that wasn’t a workable solution this time. Amber had a mere four pills left. What if Barry wanted to make date night a regular thing? So Amber steeled herself, put on her favorite red dress, plastered a smile on her face, and got in the car.

Every passing block seemed to double her heart rate as Amber tried to focus on the small, reassuring circles made by Barry’s large thumb in the flesh of her thigh.

“Alright.” Barry chimed, opening his door and placing a foot on the pavement, intending to jog around to get her door. Hand shooting out, Amber grabbed his forearm. Tried swallowing, but that lump. That lump of nothing. Nothing but fear and doubt, prevented her throat muscles from moving. 

“Barry, I…” Edges of her vision warping as she stared out at the crowd milling around in front of the restaurant, Amber shook her head. “I...I don’t think I can go…”

Barry settled back in his seat. “Oh. Are you feeling okay?”

Amber resented the heat building behind her eyes. Resented her balling fists. Resented that this mutation overtaking her brain, decaying the corners of her mind, dank and evil and merciless, was harder to face with each passing year. 

“No…” Tear cutting a path through her carefully applied makeup, Amber sniffed. “Barry, I’m sorry. I just...I’m too scared.”

Folding forward, Amber covered her face with her hands, exhaling slowly as droplets dotted her palms. Barry’s strong arms reached across the center console, scooping her in close and kissing the top of her scarlet tresses. “Hey, hey…” Large hand rubbing circles into her back, Barry spoke softly. “We don’t have to go in there. It’s fine. Let’s just...we’ll go back to your place, okay?”

Red faced, Amber nodded and Barry drove them back. Fancy dress shed and eyes dry, Amber laid in Barry’s arms, feeling cold and stupid. Weaving his fingers through her crimson locks, Barry was hesitant, choosing his words carefully. “Amber…” Tone gentle, he touched a kiss to her forehead. “Have you thought about...maybe talking to someone? A therapist, maybe? I don’t...I just want you to feel better. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with you, or...or anything like that.” Barry closed the circle of his arms around her, his broad frame, his warmth, consoling.

“Yeah…” Amber nodded against his firm chest. “I have. And I used to. But that was before…” She didn’t want to say it. No one knew about that. Not really, anyway. That nights. Or maybe it was an early morning. It was difficult to tell after being awake for that many hours. When Amber did see the bugs. The mice. Everywhere. They were everywhere. Screaming. Amber couldn’t stop screaming. 

Snatching her purse, she ran. Went to a hotel, shaking and crying. Amber called her landlord. They sent the exterminator, and from their tone it sounded like it was an issue they took seriously. They said they would do an inspection of at last half a dozen units in the rest of the building.

Nothing. They found nothing. No intruders in her home. Amber couldn’t understand. She saw them. Dozens, maybe hundreds. They were there. How could there be no evidence?

But as Amber cautiously peeked her head back inside, heels clicking over the floor, she was reminded of a whispered family secret. Her grandfather. A hospital upstate. Electroshock. Dying homeless in a box on the street spouting nonsense.

“Before what?” Barry held her face. As per usual, those sapphire eyes looked not at her, but through her as she clung to his firm body. The words bubbled up behind her teeth. Maybe Barry would understand. There was something inside of him, too. Amber didn’t think it was the same creature, but rather a monster bearing a different moniker. Some demon Barry couldn’t shake, that haunted his handsome features whenever he thought Amber wasn’t looking, whenever Barry forgot to hold up the mask, shadows falling over his eyelids and darkness pooling around his pink lips.

So Amber told him. Sobs wracking her voluptuous body, she used the condemned word, too terrified to go to a doctor for confirmation. She expected Barry to leave, to call her a nutjob, to say, like so many others, ‘no pussy is worth a bitch this crazy.’

But Barry gathered her to himself, shifting Amber atop his strong, supple body, and encasing her in his limbs, a cocoon of protection not only from the world, but he hoped, from her own mind as he rocked them gently back and forth.

“I’m right here.” Barry whispered, arms secure and voice shattered as he tried to siphon off some of her pain onto his own pale flesh. “I got you. Just breathe. I’m right here.”

Sliding the toasted sandwich onto a plate, Amber poured the broth into a bowl, steam rising as she tore off a paper towel and returned to the bedroom. “Here you go.” Amber set the food before Barry, snuggling up beside him on the mattress and playing with his dark locks while he ate.

“Thank you.” Wide mouth enveloping a huge bite of sandwich with a smile, Barry nudged her with his elbow since his only good hand was occupied.

Amber kissed his chewing cheek. “You’re welcome.” Moving on to the broth, Barry frowned as he tried to balance the bowl among his injured fingers. “Here.” Amber took it from him, holding it beneath his chin. “I got it. You work the spoon.”

Slowly scooping, Amber grinned at Barry as he ate. Sometimes the understanding glimmer in her viridescent gaze made him wonder. If maybe, just maybe, Barry told her the truth. About Korengal. About Fuches. About how he earned the box of money stashed in his closet. If Amber might understand. If she might stick around. If she might think Barry was worth the risk.

But as Barry finished and Amber hopped up to take his plate and bowl to the dishwasher, he knew that was insane. He couldn’t unburden himself that way. Not really. Not only would it likely scare her off forever, she would be sure to call the cops, and, there was a good chance it would put her in danger, something Barry could never do.

Returning with a bottle of ibuprofen, Amber held it out to him. “Did you take any of these yet today?” Barry shook his head. “Okay. Take two.” Amber knocked them into his palm, Barry pausing with his hand around the glass of water.

“Why are you doing this?” Staring down at the pills in his hand, Barry swallowed.

“What do you mean?” Amber flopped on the bed beside him, scrunching her fingers through his brunette tresses. “You’re hurt. Of course I’m helping you.”

“No, I mean…” Barry popped back the pills, taking a sip before responding. “Why are you with me?” Turning his face toward her, Barry kept his eyes resolutely on the blanket. “Why do you like me?”

Whatever her limitations, Barry couldn’t comprehend why Amber wasted her time with him. Especially now that he was hobbling around and she had to play nursemaid. But, Barry reflected, when he opened the door, Amber’s first reaction had been to extend a hand, not to flinch away. 

A drastic contrast to Fuches who, upon seeing his face, grimaced and exclaimed, “Yikes, buddy. Good luck with that.” Though, to be fair, Barry was thankful for the reprieve from jobs for a while, and a corner of his brain secretly planned to drag out his healing, perhaps mime a limp for an extra week or two to avoid wrapping his fingers around a gun anytime soon.

“Barry…” Amber scooted in, caressing his crisp jaw. “There are so many reasons why I like you.” Kissing the corner of his mouth, Amber stroked her fingers through his dark hair. “I probably don’t have enough time to list them all.” Amber smiled, meeting his dark blue eyes. “But here’s a few.”

“Barry, you’re kind.” Holding his face in both hands, Amber rested their foreheads together. “You treat me well. So sweet. So good.” Capturing his pink lips, Amber gently rolled Barry onto his back before straddling him. Her skirt bunched up around her hips, giving Barry a flash of her purple panties as her fingers trickled down to the hemline of his sweatshirt.

“You’re funny.” Amber smiled, encouraging Barry to lean forward so she could peel his shirt overhead, cautious of his face and hand as she went. “And smart. You’re always interesting to talk to, but you never make me feel stupid. I like that.”

“And fuck…” Shaking her head as she drank him in, Amber rotated her hips above him before lacing her fingers over Barry’s scalp. “You’re so damn sexy.”

Barry scoffed, rolling his eyes, but Amber took his square chin firmly in hand. “You are. I mean…” Fingers lighting over his sculpted jaw, Amber grinned. “You’re so handsome. And…” Cascading down, she massaged through his smattering of dark chest hair. “Strong. And your shoulders…” Amber clutched them, biting her lower lip and wiggling on top of him while her eyebrows danced, provoking a little giggle from Barry. “So broad. Very hot.”

Shuffling down, Amber craned her neck to make sure she wouldn’t jostle Barry’s swollen ankle before continuing. “And your little belly…”

“Oh come on…” Barry griped, tucking an errant red strand behind her ear.

Amber gave his love handles a squeeze, smirking up at him mischievously before blowing a huge raspberry in his tummy, Barry squirming under her with a chuckle. “I love it. So cute and cozy.”

Standing, Amber slipped off his boxers, Barry holding his foot up so she could get them past the damaged ankle. Amber discarded her dress before kneeling between Barry’s thighs in her bra and panties. “And your legs…” Amber’s hands danced up their muscular surface. “Damn, Barry. I don’t know what the hell you did to get a set of pipes like this, but…” With a longing sigh, she traced a finger over their surface. “If I could get you in a pair of fishnets and up on that pole instead of me, I would.”

Barry giggled, shaking his head. “Yeah. Not happening.”

“Ah well.” Amber lowered herself, inches from his burgeoning erection. “A girl can dream. And of course, I love your big…” Amber kissed the crease of his hip. “Hard…” Fingers ghosting over his length, Amber’s green eyes locked into his own with a grin. “Cock.” Lips encasing the head with a contented hum, her tongue flicked over him for a second and Barry let out an audible sigh before she popped off.

Jerking lightly, Amber paused to hold his cock steady, painting a wide swath from root to tip with her tongue. “I love how your cock looks. All the wonderful things you can do with it.” Amber took one of Barry’s balls into her mouth, rolling it around until she elicited a soft moan. “You know exactly how to fuck me, Barry.” Switching to the other side, she rubbed her thumb into his frenulum and Barry gasped. “You always make me feel so fucking good.”

Amber kneaded his hip, taking the wide head of Barry’s cock between her plump lips and sucking intensely until Barry buried his fingers in her scarlet tresses. “I just want to make you feel good, Barry…” She whispered, stroking his shaft before her tongue flashed out. “You’re beautiful. And wonderful. And you just…” Mouth and tongue moving over his frenulum as though she were imparting him with the most passionate of kisses, Amber stopped and tethered herself to Barry’s oceanic eyes. “You deserve good things.”

As Amber descended, her intention was to coax Barry, to tease him, but as soon as her lips reached the root of his thick cock and that first high, vulnerable note broke from his pink lips, she couldn’t help herself.

For as much as Amber loved having sex with Barry, going down on him was another experience entirely, particularly after the first time when she explained how she liked it, giving Barry permission to let go. Hastily reaching behind herself, Amber flung her bra away as Barry folded a pillow under his head. Amber was well aware by now Barry liked to watch, and she enjoyed giving him a show, hollowing her cheeks and sheathing him as far back in her throat as she could manage.

“Oh _fuck...fuck_ …” Dark blue eyes pleading and crisp jaw dangling, Barry fisted a hand in Amber’s auburn waves, swiveling his hips to seek every slippery inner surface as he wheezed with desire. “ _Yes! Yes, Amber! Suck me! Please, don’t stop!”_

Green eyes purposefully glued to his, Barry nodded insistently as she bobbed, Amber allowing saliva to dribble from the corners of her mouth as she fondled his balls with one hand. Barry’s notes of arousal overwhelming, Amber couldn’t help but cram her free fingers between her thighs, fiddling wildly and rutting into her own touch as she moaned around his sensitive flesh.

“ _Oh yes, fuck!_ ” Barry witnessed Amber pleasuring herself and shoved her head down onto his turgid cock, slamming into the addictive heat of her throat. “ _Fuck! Amber, your mouth! Fuck! So good!”_ Kicking in the sheets, Barry winced when his swollen ankle protested and dangled it off the side of the bed. “ _Fuck! Amber, please! Keep going!”_

Dripping down her fingers, Barry whimpered as though he were being tortured and Amber tried to maintain her focus, lips loosening around his cock as she cried out and Barry pummeled himself over her tongue. “ _Amber! Yeah! Fuck! I’m gonna cum! Fuck! Fuck!”_

Thighs snapping shut around her hand, Amber composed herself enough to retain suction in the harried moments of Barry pounding his massive cock into her mouth before he froze. Huge hands clamped Amber’s scalp as Barry’s left eye twitched, teeth bared and carved legs flexed. With a diving, drowning whine, Barry’s hot, salty cum pulsed into the back of Amber’s throat, his pelvis swaying from side to side until she greedily swallowed the last drop and he released his grip.

Panties soaked and eyes wet, Amber rose, wiping her face before curling up next to Barry’s tall form. Amber knew, with his eyes still closed and his firm chest heaving, Barry was trapped in the ether, so perhaps there was a chance the hateful troll of self-loathing would allow her words passage.

“Barry…” Amber whispered, arms sneaking around Barry’s sweaty, pallid skin, molding herself against him, lips to his ear. “You’re a good man. And I…” Swallowing, Amber tucked her face into the crook of his neck, tossing a leg over his waist. Amber held Barry tight until he could sense the residual slick heat between her legs against his hip. “I’m lucky to be with you, Barry. I’m glad we found each other.”

Deep blue eyes fluttering open, for a long time Barry stared at the ceiling in silence. As he studied the ever expanding water stains, his mind tossed up option after option for response, and Barry rejected them. _Tell her to leave. Tell her it’s over. Make something up, anything. You can’t keep this going, man. You know damn well you can’t hold onto something like this for long._

But Barry turned into her, weaving their limbs together as he sought Amber’s warmth. It hurt his face. Hurt his hand. Hurt his soul. An oyster of broken humanity, whether the pearl forming between them contained hope or demise, neither was certain. Barry clutched Amber close in his powerful arms, reluctant to let go as he whispered, “Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read! If you enjoyed this story, please leave a comment or come say hi on tumblr at fandomtransmandom. I also take requests!


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